There are many times when I have moments to myself and my mind drifts back to situations that I thought I would never live through. I thought for sure, “this is it”. There were even times that the pain, hatred, (self hatred included), that I had was unbearable and I wasn’t completely sure that even if by some miracle, I was to make it through, that I wanted to live to see how life would be without the pain. I conditioned myself to live with it and hide it behind a forced smile. Meanwhile, behind the smile, email and text responses, and even Facebook posts, I was hurting. I’m not talking about a paper cut hurt or even a scrape on the knee hurt. I’m talking about an overwhelming, heart wrenching, mental, physical, and spiritual grief and suffering hurt. I truly thought that there was no other way to live. This is the life that I was use to. This was my norm. Living life without living at all.
As I listen to the lyrics sung by Elevation Worship, my heart becomes so full, the meaning penetrates my spirit and God’s presence falls upon me so heavily.
“A miracle can happen now
For the spirit of the Lord is here
The evidence is all around
That the spirit of the Lord is here”
As my mind travels back to the present, it’s so sweet to recall each and every victory and testimony. Victories and triumph’s that prove that it was NOBODY BUT GOD WHO BROUGHT ME THROUGH. The miracle that I mentioned above was and still is God. The evidence, is the breath that I breathe daily. It’s the love and forgiveness that I have for those who sought out to purposely harm me. It’s the compassion of Christ that I’m able to show, that others see in me and question how I’m able to give it. It’s so sweet to remember the refreshing and the renewing that I felt as I allowed God to take over.
I know many can relate to times when God says “Go left” and without even considering following his direction, we’ve already calculated the distance from where we stand to where we want to be. What just happened is all of a sudden, our faith in ourselves weighs more than our trust in God, and our response to him is “Hmm, this way is shorter. I’m going to take a right”. When we don’t follow God’s direction, we end up in situations that could’ve been avoided. Even though the calculation in distance looks shorter and makes sense to you, there is something along the path that you have chosen that God already knows about, but you are unable to see. The direction he gave you may be longer, BUT the path that has been laid out for you is one that is imperative for you to travel. This path is where your healing, deliverance, faith, love, and purpose will unfold. We tend to think that we know better than God at times and we stray. Even if and when this happens, when we turn to God, his arms are open wide, ready to receive us giving us his love, grace, and mercy. Isn’t his love, grace, and mercy the reason why we are still here?? It’s all a process. The path, your path, my path, is a process. No two path’s will be the same. But the God leading us and covering us on the path is.
In order for restoration to take place, we have to go through a process. I have had to allow myself to be stripped of everything that I was holding onto. In this process, I have learned to depend on God because everything else failed me. In this process, I’ve learned that we can’t place God like expectations on man with limited capabilities. I and many of you have experienced and may still be experiencing devastating levels of unhappiness that results in debilitating pain. My heart goes out to you yes, but my prayer is that you allow God to restore you. Stop looking to people to fix what only God can. Our Creator knows us inside and out and knows exactly how to fix and reprogram us back to our original state. Before we allowed people and situations to change us, and before we held onto the hurt and other things that we’ve felt and tried to let go of on our own. I’m here to tell you that the process is not easy. And the series of events that has taken place isn’t to cause you pain, but to push you to depend on God to bring you through. Yes, there will be times that you will not want to feel or think about any of it. But, I can testify that in the process, there is growth, a new found faith, trust, the true meaning and understanding of love, and the makings of a clean and pure heart.
Restoration is a process. Don’t turn your back on yours.
God is love,