There is nothing like being in the presence of God. As I pour out to him, the rest of the world fades away. And there it is. Everything I’ve worked so hard to hide from others is right there, front and center. My pain, my guilt, rejection, low self esteem, my fears, all staring at me. I don’t want to see, feel, or admit any of it. Yes, that’s me. I did it. Yes, that’s me. “It” happened to me. I’m totally ashamed and embarrassed to own up to the fact that I experienced even the tiniest part of the enormous truth that stares me down.
That’s me. THAT WAS ME.
Beautiful Discovery. I had to. That’s where my healing is. That’s where your healing is. In the ugly truth of your past, pain, and shame is where your blessing is.
There is always something so amazing about being in the presence of my Heavenly Father. See, when I was alone, in my thoughts, I replayed and relived situations I experienced. The torment, the agony, the emotions, all of it came rushing back. I hated it. I hated me. I hated how I allowed it to define and change me. BUT GOD! When God showed me those same situations, he let me feel the pain for a brief moment. Yes, God gave me a virtual tour of my past. As he showed me my wounds, I cried out to him. Tears flooding my face, and wetting my shirt before falling to the floor. I offered myself. My heart, my tears, all of what I felt, to him. Overwhelmed like never before, I wanted to run, but I couldn’t. This was necessary for my growth.
What happened in that moment? Why would he take me back to those places?
Because in the midst of ugly truth’s, there is a beautiful discovery. So raw. So untouched. So unrecognizable. As I went through the memories, God held my hand. I felt his arms wrap around me so tight, so warm, and loving. I felt the pain, a brief sting, and then it was gone. That was the beauty that I discovered. He showed me that I was not at all what I thought I was. You are not at all what you think you are. NO SHAME, NO GUILT, NO FEAR, NO EMBARRASSMENT, NO FAILURE. NO CONFUSION.
Beautiful Discovery. He allowed me to revisit those places so he could show me where he was in each of them. He touched me where my pain was, and took it away. It was necessary for me to feel that pain again so that I could feel the difference when he erased it , made me whole, and replaced it with his love.
I wanted so much to never think about any of it, but my healing, my deliverance,
is not was not just for me. I now know that what I went through was so that I can write, tell, and encourage you to let God show you your ugly truth. We don’t have to hide behind our past, because we can stand on the promises, truth, and love of our Heavenly Father. He wants to use you, your past, your pain and turn it into a work of art. Yes, you are a work of art. His masterpiece. As he shows you these things, he removes them and draws something in it’s place (he did create the heavens and the earth. That makes him THE GREATEST ARTIST THERE IS AND PROVES THAT THERE IS NOBODY GREATER THAN HE). Once he’s finished, how amazing it is that the work of our creator will be revealed in you for all the world to see?
Beautiful Discovery. I knew that the journey of giving my life to God wouldn’t be easy, but it is definitely worth it. As painful and revealing as it can be, it is without a doubt the most beautifully eye opening walk I’ve ever taken and there is nothing that I would change about it.
As I go deeper within myself, I pray that you are encouraged and strengthened and that your faith and hope in God remains and increases with each step that you take with him. I pray that you allow him to show you his love and that as you experience it, that you let him touch and heal the places you may be hurting. I pray that in the midst of your ugly truth’s, that you find the most beautiful discovery. YOU.
God is love,